I'll never let go. You'll always be mine. I love you G.Steer, you stupid, lying, untrustworthy, scheming  annoying, ridiculously amazing boy. I don't care if you're not officially mine now, I don't even want us to be us now, but when the time is right; you're mine for the taking. Be prepared pretty boy.

I'll never let go. You'll always be mine. I love you G.Steer, you stupid, lying, untrustworthy, scheming  annoying, ridiculously amazing boy. I don't care if you're not officially mine now, I don't even want us to be us now, but when the time is right; you're mine for the taking. Be prepared pretty boy.

I'm with Grady again. As in boyfriend/girlfriend. Finally what I wanted, and all I want it out.
He honestly does treat me like shit, puts everything/everyone before me.
I planned to break up with him tonight but couldn't bring myself to do.
I feel like a terrible person, but I'm really not happy.
The only time I've been LOLhappy with him is when he called Mala a dumb bitch, that was a bad kisser. HAHAHAHHAH

"Fuck you. Fuck you for every promise you broke. Fuck you for every tear, for every night i cried myself to sleep. For every smile, I couldn't smile. Fuck you for the thoughts you make me think, fuck you for the times I just want to forget everything. For all the times I had to fake a smile, even if I was dying inside. Fuck you for all the lies you've told me, for all the 'Be right backs', that turned into 'Lets stop talking.' Fuck you for making it so hard to trust again. For reminding me no one will ever make me feel the way I feel with you. Fuck you for finding a way into my heart. For every I love you and I miss you's. Fuck you for all the reminders of you everywhere I go. For all the text's I get, where I wish its you. For all the hurt, pain, tears, anger, frustration, you've caused. Fuck you for leaving when I needed you most. Fuck you for all the depressed days you've caused. For the months I wish I could forget, for the days I wish never happened. For the memories we had, that can't seem to be forgotten. Fuck you. Fuck you for making me love you, then leaving me with a broken heart."

I wanna be happy about this. I really do, but I still feel like he's leaving himself an out.
I guess I can't bitch about that. I think about leaving whatever fucked up relationship we have going on,
every single day. But I have my reasons. I would give anything to go back to the way we were, but I will
ALWAYS think he's going to leave. And that's just unbearable.
But every second I'm with him, I'm the happiest girl alive and he is worth every single second of pain.
Because, I love him.

WESTSAFTERPARTY:)

Rachhhh and Corey :)

DaddyO loved this photo.

I love Em. I love Nay. Nick is okay. Haha

LOVELOVELOVELOVE

Thanks E.S

HAHAHAHA, 8)

Macarena bitchezzzz

yeah,imwasted.

She hates me. LOL

Danny+Alex <3333

WADDDUPPPP

SHOTTTSSS

<33

She's my favourite.

LOL. Hot.

I dont know what we're doing. Maybe dancing.

FkYes.:$

he's annoying, he's hilarious, he's the worlds biggest asshole, he makes me want to scream, he ruins my day and saves it at the last minute, he drives me crazy, he's out of his mind, i hate his guts, and he's everything i want.

I love you but I don't want to.

& When she’s gone… Remember you once loved her, you once needed her, and you once cared about her more than anything in the world. You can’t deny she was ever there, you can’t deny that it ended over absolutely nothing, and you can’t deny that, regardless, you still think about it. No other girl could love you the way she did, correction, the way she does. One day, when you forgot about your “new girl”, you’ll remember the “real girl;” you know, the one that gave you everything, trusted you, the one whose heart you broke. And you’ll come back, and as much as it hurts her to say, she’ll be strong. She’ll look at you and say, “you had your chance, you took your chance for granted, and you ruined your chance of being with me.” Then she will turn and walk away, wishing it wasn’t over, wishing nothing had changed, but knowing that this is for the better, and from that point on, you’ll realize what a beautiful thing you took for granted and what an amazing girl you destroyed."

Someday, you're gonna regret losing me. I promise.

I can't decide whether that was the smartest or dumbest things I have ever done.

Im pretty sure I'd be okay with this whole thing, if that one question would leave my head.

Am I really that easy to let go of?

it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen;

buts it's even harder to give up when you think it's everything you want. 

 

 i'm overly affectionate and easily attached. there. i said it. i've been pretending for too long that i'm immune to feelings and exempt from falling in love. i can't take it anymore. i'm a lot weaker than i've been making myself seem. i wish you understood that.

“Everyone says love hurts.
When actually love doesn’t hurt.
Love didn’t leave you for some other girl,
it didn’t cheat on you, nor did it break your heart.
So stop blaming love for once and start blaming
the asshole that treated you like crap and gave you up!”

(Whispered) Let me be your hero

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh oh please tell me these
Now would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

(Chorus)
I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care you're here tonight

Chorus

I just want to hold you (2x)
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care you're here tonight

Chorus (2x)

You can take my breath my breath away
I can be your hero

❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ When we fuckin though?

Im deciding. I can dream my dreams with open eyes, and make them come true. Or I can accept reality, move on, meet new people, love new people and live my life. Grady will always mean something to me, but right now it's my decision whether he will be anything with me. I will decide. I will. Do you know why? Because I love the Stevenson brothers + Pearson. They inspire me.

-    [Nick] says (11:58 PM):
 Then don't tell him that you won't be with him if he's with mala
 and then if he's with mala, don't be with him
 simple as that
 if he wants you, he wont be with mala
-    [Nick] says (11:58 PM):
 if he chooses mala
 don't be with him
 if he really wants you
 then he won't need to be told
_TORI. says (11:59 PM):
 i know
 but im pretty sure he believes that he can get me back easily
 like
 be with her now
 but when she leaves
 suck up to me
 and ill cave
-    [Nick] says (11:59 PM):
 don't cave
_TORI. says (11:59 PM):
 and i dont know if ill be able to say no.
 because when he wants to be,
 he is bloody amazing
 but he is also the biggest dickhead
 i have ever met.
-    [Nick] says (12:00 AM):
 Listen to your head
 at all times
 your heart just screws you over
 it actually does
-    [Nick] says (12:01 AM):
 You have to think logically, not with your emotions
 your emotions will tell you to get back with him, even if your head realises what he's really like.
 but you have to listen to your head
-    [Nick] says (12:02 AM):
 if he doesn't wanna be with you now, and he chooses mala, then you know he's not right for you.
 even if you think so, he was the first person you ever loved, and that's why you don't wanna let go
 I'm only saying all this shit, because this is pretty much the situation I'm in.
 and I'm trying my damn hardest to listen to my head.

_TORI. says (12:03 PM):
i guess next time i feel like i wanna be with him, ill just tell myself to remember how im feeling now.

im sure thatll do the trick just fine. haha

How can he be so wise? Lol. That boy really is becoming my support network. Pearson aswell. They make me happy :) 

give up tori. 

theres no point.

its not worth it anyway.

After a while everyone learns,

that holding a hand is different from falling in love,

that kisses don't always mean something,

that promises can be broken, just as quickly as they are made

that people rarely say what they really mean,

that everyone has their secrets,

that everyone will let you down at some point or another,

and that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just gotta let them go.

11:56 pm. Monday, 6th September 2010

You don't want me like that.

You don't want me like anything.

You don't wanna be friends because you 'dont forgive people as easily' as I do.

If I had your standards, I would have very minimal friends, and you certainly would not be one of them. I think you need to remember what you did, and then try to tell me that what I did was wrong. I still want to be friends, but that's not because I've forgiven you; its because I want out of this whole shitty situation. I wanna be able to walk past you and smile and it not be a big deal. I think we can be, as long as you come back to reality and remember what you've done before you judge me.

10:50 pm, Monday, 6th September 2010.

I believe that Grady and I can be friends. Hesitantly. But I do.

I have one straw left.

Some would say it is my last straw.

I hope you don't break this straw,

Because as I said, it is the last one -

There aren't anymore after that.

[c=4]Grady[/c] says (10:31 PM):
 i don't think i can be friends with you if you still talk to nick...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

THAT BOY CRACKS ME THE FUCK UP.

I just remembered how much I love life :)

I don't know why. But these photos make me happy. I just found them on Zo's computer.

Treehouse

I want this to be over. I want a decision to be made. I want to know for sure. Carissa is completely, totally and utterly right. And I know I've been a terrible friend to her, but I'll fix it. I will. Just as soon as I pull myself out of this mess, one way or another.
I know what I want.
I know what I should do.
I know what people want me to do.
I think I know what he wants.
I think I know what I am going to do.

Fuck all this being so complicated.
Boys suck.
Except Stuart. I didn't even know he was nice. I always just thought he was a pretty face that wanted me to do him. Who knew a boy like him could say the things he says :) He actually made my night on Friday night, and I barely spoke to him at all. I should really be nicer to the boy.

Rory came and watched my game today. I avoided him afterwards. I don't know why. It just didn't feel like a Rory speaking day.

I am a smart girl that does stupid things. I have amazing friends and family that want nothing but the best for me. And I have an ex-boyfriend that can't decide what he wants.

Figure your shit out Tor. Decide on something, and stick the fuck with it. I forbid you not to.

People don't really need reasons and explanations in order to move on because moving on is easy if you start accepting everything.

I dont know if I regret that or not ... I don't think I do.

But I don't wanna be just the bonus.

My parents are so fricken lame.

They are trying to bribe me into being happy with an iPhone.

It's not really working. I want my old phone back

Fuck you John Curry. Fucking wanker. Fuck.

Cake tomorrow? I think yes. 

Distortion of reality sounds pretty good to me.

THIS IS MY 100th POST ON THIS BLOG, AND I AM DEDICATING IT TO GRADY. NOT BECAUSE I LIKE HIM, OR BECAUSE IM STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM OR WHATEVER CONCLUSIONS LOSER PEOPLE LIKE TO DRAW, BUT BECAUSE WE CAN BE FRIENDS, REAL FRIENDS. AND FOR ONCE I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS. BOOOOYAR.

SO HERE YOU GO GRADES.

THIS ONE IS FOR YOU.

Today was a good day.
A weirdly good day considering.
WANNA KNOW ABOUT MY DAY? YEAHOKAY
Wellllllll, approx.
Mindnight: talking to G-rade
1:00 am: Phonezies to Stuart
2:00 am: Phonezies to Stuart
3:00 am: Started English assignment.
4:00 am: still English
4:45 am: Shower
5:15 am: Blow dry hair (LOL)
5:30 am: Get all school shit ready. ie uniform, laptop etc.
5:45 am: In bed, ready for sleeping.
6:45 am: Wake up for school.
7:30 am: On the bus
8:00 am: On the train
8:15 am: Arrive at Glenfield station
8:20 am: In the post office with Pearson.
8:30 am: At school, talking to Heidi.
8:40 am: Roll call with Trotter
9:00 am: Science skills test (HAHAH, so fail)
Period 2: Commerce with Cohen, Nibraas and Rohan looking up dirty things on the internet LOL
Recess: with G-rade. WEIRD moment with GS+RS.
Period 3: English with Keegs. (Simon Wang makes me LOL)
Period 4: Sport science. (Heidi makes me LOL, :P)
Lunch: With Grady, he ate my sandwhich, and stole my delicious muffin. HMPH
Period 5: Science. I flashed Mr. Trotter by accident. I made him blush. HAHAHAHAHAHHALOL
Period 6: Maths. Drawed checkers. Stayed on 10N chat with 10N peeps. 
3:00 pm: At the station. Ran in to Jesse and his Boyf Jayden.
4:00 pm: Homezies. Sleepzies.
5:00 pm: Sleepzies.
6:00 pm: Sleepzies
7:00 pm: Dinner
8:00 pm: Phone to Gatorade.
9:00 pm: WRITING THIS.


OMG YOU TOTALLY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MY DAY WENT. HOW EXCITING. LOL.


ps. i made my 100th post especially interesting for you gatorade. :)
xx

Me

LOL

no way

i liked it

10:34pmStuart

hahaah

i like you :)

LOL. He's so smooth.

WHORE IT UP LOVERS

YKNOW,  people say there is two ways to think of things.

NUMBER ONE:

You loved him. You still love him. & you think you KNOW, that one day, hopefully soon, he will come back to you. You've never been as happy as you were with him and you'd do pretty much anything to get it all back. He was your bestfriend, completely and utterly and you will never be able to let that go. You will never get over him, because life just isn't the same.

OR

NUMBER TWO:

He's just a boy. A lame highschool boy. You will meet/have already met hundreds more people like him and better and it is so easy to just think, damn, I don't know why I was so hung up on that Grady kid. Sure, you still like him, but thats only because you 'lost'. If you were the one that had ended things we all know it would have been a different story. So what if you spent almost six months with him. He let you go when he claimed to be in lurveeee, do the same. And lets be honest, you like a lot of boys right now; take his lead; embrace your inner whore. Everyone knows you want to. "You have choices TorTor. PICK ONE. Or two. Or how ever many you like. LOL"

Well, I want a third. I'm making a third. I HAVE A THIRD CODAMNITT!

TORI'S NUMBER THREE:

I loved him. I still love him. But my loving of him gets less and less every day, so I will not always love him. For a while getting back together was the only option in my brain. But now, OH BOY have things changed. I actually have crushes. People that I want, and can see myself doing dirty things with AHAH ;) People that like me, and show it. People that treat me like I'm actually worth something. Like how Grady used to, before he started taking everything for granted. It was all a game. It is still a game. & I don't lose games. Never, ever. 

Everyone has told me it will come to a point where he will regret the fuck out of his decision to throw our whole relationship away for some cheap whorey hookup, and yeah I do believe this on some level or another. And if/when he does, I like to think that i'll say no and tell him to stick it up his butthole; and maybe I will. But if I dont, at least I know with myself, that he will never mean anything more to me that what I let him.  I am finally ready to be his friend, and it just occured to me that, I DON'T WANT TO BE. LOL. Because, I am a super awesome friend, and he doesn't deserve me. Not even a little bit of me. Lol@me. Life'sGood.

SCREAMAIMFIRE

I didn't go to school today because I don't feel the need to spend all of sport with Grady. It would be awkward and I wouldn't be comfortable. Also because I'm so tried my eyeballs hate the rest of my body. I pulled the rest of his crap together last night. All the stuff that has no meaning to me anymore. Part of me moving on. So, I'm sorry Dolph, I can't keep you. Because as much as I love you, I don't like what you signify. 

"They're not together..I can see why you would think that, but I don't feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm not going to explain on fs but no I don't think I'm doing the wrong thing"

Lol @ people believing what they want to believe to help them sleep at night.

ANYWAY.

STUART, you are amazing and I'm sorry i've sucked on the fun scale the past couple of days. Soon will be good, I promise :)

Thomas, thankyou my dear :)

Corey, I'm sorry about last night. You know I dont feel that way. Please don't put that on me. You are the coolest kid that will always be better at hockey then me.. with last night as an exception. I KILLED YOU. :P

Travis, be nicer to Mikayla. She's pretty and you will be cute. Also, don't ever say such vulgar things to me again :P haha.

Rohan, hehehehehehehhehehehe.

IT TAKES TIME.

I'm finally ready to move on. 

I'll get there soon enough, and i'll be a better person for it.

You'll regret this more than anything someday.

Maybe not someday soon, while youre still getting your whore-fix.

But someday in the future. 

A day where I will be able to say no, and mean it. 

And you will wonder what the fuck you were thinking.

And when that day comes, I will be happier than I ever was with you.

Because in my head you mean nothing.

I just wish my heart would agree.

"Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance, 

Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love "

Grady is gay.

I am happy. For the first time in a long time.

It is 4 am and I just finished cleaning my room. I really wanna message you because I know you're the only one who will understand this acomplishment, but i'm not going to. I'm trying not to need you. I really am. And I honestly am getting somewhere. Snaps for me. **

Lunchskies tomorrow. Kinda nervous. Kind of a gamble on how this is going to turn out. I guess we'll see. I'll update the shit out of that later hey.

I haven't cried in more than two days. This is definately an improvement. Considering i'm pretty sure the reason I stopped was because my tear ducts were like, fuck you and went on strike.

I picked out a whole bunch of pretty underpanties and braskies today. They I put them back because I don't have anyone to impress. I bought vodka instead. Awesome, I know.

Pa's 80th was hilarious. My life goal is to be as happy as him and Nanny when I am their age. They are some seriously inspirational shit. Also, they said I could have some friends up there in the holidolies. I don't know who i'd pick now. I had it all planned out before. I guess I just didn't plan on being single. This changes everything ! Haha.

Stuart broke his nose and made the Australian U16 Hockey Team. Oh my oath. Boo about the nose tho. He flies back tomorrow. I will see him on friday. I miss him. 

I miss alot of people actually, that I never even realised I don't talk to anymore. I guess there are a shitload of positives to this whole motherlickin gay situation. 

I love Jordo and I will murder anyone who decides to hurt him in any way, shape or form.

Fam bam is the shit.

Owen Bunt is a fricken nutcase I tells you.

Travis and Corey is little slurries. Cute little slurries. 

I miss love. I miss Grady. I miss happy.

i dont want a serious relationship: im a teenager. i want someone who i can act like a complete dickhead around, that we can spend hours just talking about the most pointless things with that'll never happen. because im sick of seeing these movies with the girl falling in love with the perfect boy. who wants perfect? i want adventure. i want someone i can tell my secrets to and waste my weekend with and act like we're 5 years old again. i wanna have fun. i wanna play the aeroplane game.

I dont understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your bestfriend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your bestfriend. How forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something, that you once said you couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it is easier than working things out.

 

I don't understand how this all happened. How things can be so perfect one second and not even exist the next. How people you think will never let you down never fail to do exactly that. How people claim they love someone but at the same time find it so easy to move on. How I can love and hate someone at the exact same moment. It just doesn't make sense. Not to me anyway.

I want to move on. I need to move on. And you're making it pretty easy. Well, as easy it is going to be. So thankyou for that at least. One day i'll be able to tilt the screen back, and not be lying. That will be a good day :)

I'm sick and tired of the mess you made me.

IMBORING, iknow.

You love hoodies. 
You love jeans. 
Dogs are better than cats.
It’s hilarious when people get hurt.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own a car racing game. 
You played with Hot Wheels cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You have watched sports on TV. 
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You used to collect hockey cards.
Baggy sweats are cool to wear.
It’s kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors of all.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun. 
You talk with food in your mouth. 
You sleep with your socks on at night.
You have fished at least once.

—-YOUR GIRL SIDE—- 
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner. 
You go to your mom to talk. 
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You wear the color pink.
You like going to the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures . 
You like wearing jewelry.
You cried watching The Notebook.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don’t like the movie Star Wars.
You are/were in gymnastics.
It takes you at least one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. 
You smile a lot more than you should.
You care about what you look like. 
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing high heel shoes.
You used to play with dolls as little kid.
You like putting make-up on others.
You like being the star of everything.
Pink is one of your favorite colors.
• Appearance • 
I am shorter than 5. 5''
I have many scars.
I tan/burn easily
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. 
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance. 
I’ve had/have braces.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. 
I have more than two piercings.
I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.
• Embarrassment •  
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. Disney movies still make me cry. 
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
• Health •
I’ve gotten stitches. 
I’ve had my appendix removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend. 
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had serious surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.
• Experiences •
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve wished on a shooting star. 
I’ve seen a meteor shower. 
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. 
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve been skydiving.
I've been to a casino
I’ve gone skinny-dipping.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve crashed/rolled a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical.
I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night. 
I’ve played a prank on someone. 
I’ve ridden in a taxi. 
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. 
I’ve eaten Sushi. 
I’ve been snowboarding.
• Relationships •
I’m in a relationship. 
I'm single.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I miss someone right now.
I’ve gotten divorced. 
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
• Honesty / Crime •
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. 
I’ve snuck out.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am. 
I’ve cheated while playing a game. 
I’ve ran a red light.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
• Death and Suicide •
I’m afraid of dying. 
I hate funerals. 
I’ve seen someone/something dying. 
Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.
You have planned your own suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
• Materialism •
I own over 5 rap CD’s. 
I have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.
I own designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something from Abercrombie

I own something I got on E-Bay. 
• Random • 
Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I can sing well.
Open up to others easily. 
I watch the news. 
I don’t kill bugs. 
I sing in the shower. 
I paid for my cell phone ring tone. 
I am a morning person.
I am a sports fanatic. 
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar. 
I have “?”’s in my screen name.
I love spam. 
I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day. 
I bake well. 
I would wear pajamas to school.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red, blue, black, purple or orange.
I like Martha Stewart.
I know how to shoot a gun.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes. 
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I eat fast food weekly.
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish. 
I like white chocolate.
I bite my nails. 
I’m good at remembering faces. 
I’m good at remembering names.  
I’m good at remembering dates.

fuck you hiphop.

 

_ Bitch you,
Took me for granted; took my heart and ran it straight into the planet.
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it

fuckyeahh eminem. 

But seriously, think about it.